I think I feel better today. I think that I am usually just upset by the time I get to the computer that I end up being all negative and grouchy. I got the baby down for her nap and I'm going to get some house stuff done.
I laid in bed thinking last night, something I normally do before I drift off. I am happy with where my life has taken me. I'm just frustrated right now. I guess I expected more. When I decide to do something I want instant gratification. I know, not always a possibility. And I know that when I don't see instant results I get frustrated.
I think this 'dieting' is affecting everything else in my life. I'm not losing as fast as I had and now instead of being upset and focusing on not losing as quickly I'm easier to anger about other things. After thinking about it I'm just mad that my body is being stubborn and holding on to the weight. I'm frustrated because even though I've dropped 70#s now I've only lost about 3-4 pant sizes. Went from a tight 24/comfortable 26 to a very snug 18. I know my body is different than everyone else's but it's frustrating.
Probably not the time to divulge information but the other night my husband commented on not being so comfortable because I was getting too bony. Now, that makes me happy cause I'm getting bony just not in the spots that I want or the spots that really need it. My ribs are poking him. I just can't seem to get rid of my stomach and my hips/thighs. It's just frustrating.
I keep thinking that I could lose another 20 pounds and probably be in the same bottoms. And under my girls is not going to get any smaller. My rib bones are showing. It's just frustrating. I thought I had come to terms with the fact that I'm a BIG girl. I can see now that I have not. I don't want to be stuck in an 18 forever. My dream would be to get my huge hips into a 12 so I can be somewhat normal. So, again, I guess that most of the time I'm fine with things and then I sit in front of here and type and negative comes out. Makes me question what that says about me.
On a positive note, it's Friday. I have NOTHING planned for the weekend. C has to go to work tomorrow to take some all day test to see if he can get moved to the next level. Here's hoping cause with said level comes pay raise. That would be a nice bonus. When the baby gets up I'm going to run some errands. Today was payday and I'm going to get some more Christmas stuff. Okay, gotta move or I'm going to get stuck here!
2 comments:
I know it sucks that we can't choose where to lose. Sometimes, I would just like to rearrange stuff - you know, take some off here and move it there. This isn't going to make you jump up and down for joy, but being your buddy I feel I must say it... I think you might need to consider some specific workouts to focus on those "problem areas". Maybe some leg lifts, squats and stuff. I know you vacuume the floor often - maybe next time you can do some squats while you clean. When you push the sweeper forward squat down, when you pull it back go up on your tip toes. I love you just the way you are, so don't take this wrong K?
I dunno if you'll read this rodeo but I've actually been catching up on this season of Biggest Loser--I dvr'd all of the shows so far. Anyway, they give tips during the commercials and I've started doing these squat, side-kick, squat, back kick things. Kim, the one trainer said that move helps buns and thighs (saddlebags). We'll see how it goes!
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