I honestly don't know what to do with all my garbage. It's easy to ignore it during the day when I have people around me, or when the sun is shining...but night is a completely different story. How am I supposed to just get over the fact that the one person that I gave my all to decided that I wasn't worth it? Fourteen years. The week he moved out we had been together for FOURTEEN years.

He signed the papers yesterday. I waited until he had signed them. I was a mess yesterday because it's done. I was a mess today...I hit a van today when I was out. And today I signed the papers.

I just dont' know what to do with all this crap I'm feeling. My heart hurts. He said I'm not important and he can't be happy when he's with me. Where do I put that? For the past four years I've been a stay at home mom and a devoted wife. I found a for real relationship with God and started doing life based on God's book. And now I'm not worth it??

I don't want to place my worth on someone else's shoulders. I'm not stupid but SERIOUSLY, this is the guy I figured I'd outlive. I expected to be pushing him around in a wheelchair as an old man. Traveling cross country to see the grandkids we'd have someday. We talked about our future. And he was THERE. With ME.

I don't know how to get over a broken heart. It doesn't help that he never even tried to explain. He would answer my questions but never offered anything.

I don't want him to live we me unhappy but how did we get to just done? Shouldn't there have been something in between completely happy to completely finished.

This weekend is going to suck. It's mother's day and last year he gave me the best gift he'd ever given me. My parents came to visit that week. And when I woke up that morning he opened his heart to me in a way he had never done before.

How am I supposed to get over this and be what my kids need me to be? How am I supposed to just walk away from this?