I honestly don't know what to do with myself. My heart feels like it might just scoot up my throat and out of my body. It keeps doing these weird little beats that are seriously beginning to flip me out. I am, what you would call, a HOT MESS. My life seemed ideal. We were getting by and managing just fine. OR so I thought. My husband has been a little on the moody side but I attributed that to his switching to third shift within the last few months (August) and the anniversary of the death of his mom a week ago. We don't always connect because of the odd work hours but I seriously thought that it was just a thing we had to get through.

He completely shook my world on Sunday evening when he came upstairs to tell me that he was done with this. He isn't happy and he's just done. Now, I promise you, if we had fought or had issues I wouldn't be a dumb struck as I am right now. I seriously had NO idea he was willing to just walk away. He's told me that I don't care how he feels because I never listen to him tell me how he feels. I can't do much now. I mean, I've told him that I'm not leaving. I honestly don't know what to do. I think my heart might just be breaking. I love that boy as much as I love air. I feel like I need it to survive. And I honestly can't imagine my life without him. I don't know what I would do.

I don't know what to do. It's like I'm sitting here waiting for him to decide what to do. It stinks. Because seriously, the boy is super important to me. And I thought that I was letting him know that by doing little things for him all the time. I mean, I'd take his car and fill it up with gas so he wouldn't have to do it. Or make sure we kept soda in the house cause he likes it when he gets up. Or keep the kids out of his hair when he was waking up. I just don't know. I thought I was speaking his language and obviously I wasn't. I need him to know that he's important. I need him to realize how much he means to me. I live my life to make him happy. That's my goal. TO see him smile because of something I did. And he is important. I told him HE is worth fighting for. Because to me, he's the only thing to fight for. I honestly don't know what else to say to him???

I'm lost.