Happy? I don't know? I'm satisfied most of the time. Happy with where I am in this life. Being a stay at home mom. Being involved with my children. Happy that I've decided to do something about my health and in so doing I'm doing something about my weight.
I have been stuck in my head a lot lately. I've realized I'm vulnerable to other peoples emotions. When one of my moms visits me and they get all riled up telling me about something I find myself getting all riled up. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I am glad that I've connected with them. I can say that I have friends but I find myself obsessing about what I can do to make their lives better. Reading journals and blogs and emails I can feel the pain and fear of my friends. I know that it's normal to 'connect' with people and be supportive. But I seem to spend a lot of time trying to make other people happy and forget to look at myself.
When I find myself doing the above I end up pulling back into my 'shell' and just ignoring things. I have this wonderful little belief that if I ignore it long enough it will just go away. UM, NOT QUITE HOW THINGS WORK. And then I feel helpless. If I can't do enough.
Anyway, ramblings again. I'm going to start taking some pills again. And I really need to find a dr here. Just another thing to do while I'm online.
1 comment:
Hey there Sis! I hope you are not taking my issues too much to heart. There really isn't anything that can be done about the situation except to pay the man and that will get done when it can get done. Please, don't feel bad for me OK! God will not bring me to anything that he will not take me through safely! I believe that with all my heart. I hope that being able to journal and get it all out in writing is helping you not to internalize any of it too much. At any rate, things are going to be OK in my neck of the woods. My sister from Oregon is going to get involved. While she can't settle my debt, she can deal with Dad to earn me at least more time. No worries OK! Anyway, if you do find a doctor, talk to him about Cymbalta, I am on it and it really is a great med for depression without some of the yucky side effects of some of the others. It also has the added benefit of helping with some of the aches and pains associated with depression.
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