Forgot...

Forgot to say that I am so incredibly tired these days. I've been waking up at least once a night, if not twice, to hit the library. I drink too much water too close to bedtime. We're going trick or treating tonight. I've got on my horns and tail. I'm taking the new neighbors daughters with us. New neighbors will be closing on their house (should be signing 500 pages of stuff as we speak). The one guy told them to plan on being there for four to six hours. Can you imagine? I know it takes awhile but man, six hours? So, their two daughters will be joining us for the goodies.

I hope that there are actually people here in the subdivision that will be participating. But who knows. Things are so different here. Halloween seems like much more of a 'cult' type thing here. Not the sweet innocent fun that we had back in IN. I haven't wanted to watch the news lately because they've been finding mutilated cats all over. One woman had her cat taken and a few days later half of the cat was in her driveway. So, yah, things are different here.

I feel like the grouch goddess lately. I have no fuse to speak of. We got home from girl scouts last night and I just wanted to scream. I know that the girls are wound up when they're done but enough. Settle down already. I think we're going to start walking to the meetings because at least we'd have time to get some energy out on the walk home. I told them last night that if they keep acting like fools they won't be allowed to go back.

Okay, making frozen pizza for dinner but I need to go get my salad situated while baby is napping. Maybe I'll work on my blanket for a bit.

Ah, Halloween...

Gotta love busy days. Sometimes it makes it easier to stay 'on-plan', and sometimes easier to fall off...

I've only been half-hearted lately anyway. Not quite there mentally. I keep debating in my head about taking some time off. I need a break. When I started doing medifast it was with the full understanding that this would not be a forever thing for me. It would be a nice kick in the right direction. I've been doing this consistently for over two months now. Yah, I've dropped almost 30 pounds in that time. That in and of itself is a nice boost in the ego. But when I feel deprived daily it's not right. I know my female issues aren't helping this at all. I'm emotional and I'm trying not to make any rash decisions because I want to do something stupid. But a turkey sandwich from Subway is not a BAD thing. And I shouldn't have to stay away from all carbs. Eventually I'm going to have to face real food. I'm thinking that I will schedule a two week break. Yah, I might gain some weight. I think I'm okay with that. We get paid our rent on the seventh and I could place an order for bearable foods then. I am not giving myself the right to go crazy with food. I'm giving myself the right to eat a sandwich every now and again. NO, I will not add back pastas and rice with dinner. I can continue to make it for the rest of the family and not put it on my plate.

I'm sure I will be reprimanded on the board. And I'm sure five thousand people will try and talk me out of it if I even have the nerve to post that I'm thinking about it. I've not posted on the board lately because I feel false. I had my bad day on Sunday and haven't posted since before then.

Good morning world...

Well, we didn't make it over to pay rent yesterday so that is on the list of things to do today. I'm going to have to hit target to get some fake glasses for my oldest daughters character costume...kids can come to school in a costume if they are a character from a book AND they bring the book to school with them. Oldest wants to be Junie B. Jones...have to figure that one out. The boy will be Harry Potter. Younger daughter is going to be Cinderella, I think--that was, as of bedtime last night. I will put the baby in her Magenta costume before we walk over to the school to see the character parade at 2pm.

So, lets see, bought a shampooer yesterday and it is awesome! It has removed all the drops of who-knows-what from the spill-proof cups off the floor. The big red kool-aid stain is still there but I had a suggestion from a friend to try that oxyclean on it and see if it helps.

No major news to report. I've gotta clean some bathrooms today and play with the carpet cleaner some more!

Diet news-stepped on the scale today. Glad I didn't do it yesterday. Was 218 on Sunday then had that bad day. Today scale said 220.4. UGH. Can't even imagine what she would have said yesterday. Had a great compliment after school yesterday. I chat with my two mom friends after school. We were walking towards the parking lot and one of the mom's starts yelling that she has to tell me something (I was walking a ways in front of them at that point). I wait for her to catch up and she tells me that she could really notice a difference in me today. She said to me that when I was walking my butt looked smaller. I about kissed her. Well, then this morning my other mom friend said that when me and first mom were walking we had on same kind of bottoms and from the back we look the same from the waist down. Mind you mom #1 is in 14's. I'm in 18's now. I am stoked. It's nice to hear things from people that I'm seeing daily. Now I really can't wait for my parents to get here. I want my momma to see me.

When I started doing MF I wasn't sure how long it would last. I am now down over 50#s with it. I've set 170 as a goal weight but am not sure about that. I don't know if that would seriously be comfortable for my body. I don't want to have to 'diet' forever. I'd like to get to a weight that I can maintain and still eat some foods. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've never actually seen myself succeeding on this weight loss journey. I figured that I'd give up when I'd lost 30 or 40 pounds and just be satisfied. I am satisfied with what I've done so far, don't get me wrong. I'm just not satisfied enough to stop yet. I keep thinking that if I can get my body under 200#'s I'd be happy. I've said that for a long time. Again, at that point I'm going to play it by feeling and see how my body FEELS and what I'm comfortable with.

I don't want to make excuses, or have anyone think that I'm just making excuses to be able to quit. I just know that my body is never going to be small. I'm going to have to find some pictures of me in HS and post them on my MMT board. I've got one from me during my junior year when I started my first diet. In the picture I was between 185-190# and you really wouldn't know it. I'm thick--solid, I guess would be a good word for it. Again, not trying to make excuses, just being acceptable to what I have and what I've been given.

Okay, going to go play with my carpet shampooer for awhile.

Hello Monday

Well, it's Monday again. I did it...I hit my half way mark. They do 'roll-call' on my one board on Sundays so that has become my weigh day. I was 218 even yesterday. That puts me down a total of 52#'s since Feb. And 67# from my heaviest weight of 285.

I then proceeded to have a terrible horrible no good very bad day. I was walking into the kitchen at about one to make my salad for lunch. My phone rang and it was younger daughters scout leader calling to say the nuts were in, needed to come pick them up. Called other leader and could pick up other daughters nuts at her house after picking up for younger. Well, I should mention that most Sundays I do not shower until baby takes her late nap. So, instead of eating, I decided yes, I most definitely needed to shower cause I had some funky bed head going on. I also needed to go to Target to get bags of candy for girl scout parties while I was out. So, I was already going to be eating late at lunch by having lunch at one. Well, I took my water with me and just kept chugging. When I got home I decided I was having a sandwich. I was dying and it was the fastest thing into my mouth. Well, I did doritos with the sandwich. Later I had some cheese nips. It was just not good on my part.

I should also mention that I'm having female issues. My body does not seem to like the amount of weight I am losing and instead of stopping my cycle it has only increased it. I am now having my period for the third time this lovely month of October. YES THIRD. My pms monster is unbearable once a month not to mention the three times I've had to fight her this month. Let's just chalk yesterday up to her. Me-two; pms-one. I'm still the winner tho right?

Well, I did NOT have the nerve to step on the scale this morning. I knew that it would just spiral out of control if I did. I have been up since 5:45 (had to hit the snooze once). Had one shake so far, two cupsa coffee, and three bottles of water.

Baby is napping nicely now. I'm going to go figure out the bill situation. We're going to go pay the rent when she gets up and then hit walmart. I can't afford an order of my food but we're going to go buy a carpet shampooer. If we don't get one soon there's no way I'll be able to save the poor cream colored carpet in this house. I'm not going to lose my $1050 deposit either. I've already made the house pmt for Nov. so when we get the rent on the 7th I should be able to use some of it for an order.

I've also been considering altering 'the plan'. I can't post this on the board because I don't want to be exiled. Someone told me that she uses skim milk for a supp when she's running low on her supplies. I might do that. I can get a gallon of skim for about $3.50 versus the 200-300 I spend on an order. Maybe do the skim thing for three 'meals' a day and then use the chic soup I have for one meal and then whatever for the fifth. I don't make it public on the forum that I don't follow 'the plan' as written. Occasionally I only have four supps a day. As long as I keep seeing some results it's better that quitting totally and starting to gain because I'm eating "normal" again.

So, that's my diet life in a nutshell. I haven't talked to my sister for about a week and a half because she can't pay her cell phone bill. I know I've complained about her life before but I still love her and I miss her. I'm actually going to use a pen and paper and write the girl. I have no idea what's up with her. My mom gives me some info but like I said before, she calls me to forget about having to help my sis out all the time.

My new 'neighbor' is supposed to close on her house on Wednesday. She said they'd be moving in the same day. I can't wait. I want to start walking all the time. She said she's put on a little weight and wants to walk it off with me. I'm so pumped. It always seems easier to do things when someone is doing them with you. At least for me. I mean, she's only got about 15 pounds to lose, I'd say, but I'll take any company I can get.

Kids are doing as good as can be expected. We had issues with Josephina's teacher last week. I went in on Wednesday to talk to vice principal about it. Teacher came off the handle and yelled at the entire class because they all failed some practice test. Jo came home telling me how stupid she was and that teacher had taken away all privileges like tv, games, sports because the class had done so poorly. Mind you this kid gets straight A's. Nothing lower than a 95 in any of her graded subjects. So, um, excuse me crazy lady, stop calling my kid dumb. I know you're frustrated but BACK OFF. They took the REAL test on Wednesday and MY KID scored 100%.

Little man is struggling a bit academically which is a surprise for us. He's not as strong in Math as he had been. His teacher keeps telling me to relax. He starts his Young Astronaut Club next week when grama and graps are here. He's pretty excited. He's started his own little count-down for that.

Miss Morgana's teacher approached me after school at the beginning of the week last week because of some playground issues. I think the issue is resolved. Miss Morgana needs about 16 hours of sleep a night to be nice. Sorry girls but she takes after her mommy and her gramommy before her.

T has developed a new personality. My girls come over for coffee a few times a week and when they knock on the door she takes off running and screaming for the door. I'm glad she can't open the doors yet cause she would take right off out the door. She loves having new audience members. She must think I get stale! I guess I need to laugh more when she's performing for me! She's been trying to do summersaults and has not quite mastered the whole flipping over thing. She usually ends up just 'standing' on her head with her butt up in the air.

Okay, if I don't end this soon then I won't know which bills to pay and how much $$ we have to spend at wally world.

Is it naptime yet?

I am sooo ready for a nap. I'm going to try and lay on the couch while the kids are doing their homework. I just don't know what my problem is lately. I went to bed around 9:30 last night. Woke up at 1:30 to pee. Got back in bed to a snoring hub and decided to sleep in the uber comfy recliner instead of having him snore in my face :D Alarm goes off at 5:40 daily. So, I get enough sleep.

Who knows? Baby is on her second nap today which makes my life much nicer. Gotta go feed the monsters. They haven't had their after school snack yet...hehe instead of typing snack I typed nap...can you tell what I'm thinking?

HELLO WEEKEND

I love weekends. I love sleeping. I was lucky enough to get to sleep in until 7:45 this am. I LOVE THAT! It is so much better than 5:45. Corey had to work today. So, I'm getting ready to take a shower. I'm switching the girls rooms today...baby is getting her own room and two older girls will become roommates. I'm sorry that they have to share but it seems like the best solution right now. Baby goes to bed at 7:30 nightly. She falls asleep and then wakes up either right before we take sis in to bed or as we're taking her in. Baby has been waking up to play or sing at night. Luckily I don't think she wakes sis up but sis has had an 'attitude' problem lately and this could be a contributing factor. Baby is then woke up between 6:20-6:30 through the week when I get sis up. Sometimes it makes for bad days. Grouchy babies that can't get enough sleep. It always seems that when she's had a rough night/early morning I can only get her to take one nap a day instead of her regular two. So, that doesn't help either.

Of course we'll probably have a rough go tonight since it's going to be something different.

And of course, I'm 'cheating' on my plan tonight because hub and I will share a bottle of wine after the kids go to bed. We got a call on Monday night with a 'lease' proposition on our house in IN. The people are moving in as we speak. They deposited $350 into my IN acct on Tuesday so I know they're serious. We decided, okay, I decided that tonight would be a good night for the wine. I know that it will take me three days to get back into the swing of things but I'm okay with that. Life calls for a little celebration.

We won't be getting our full house payment out of the property but we're only going to be short $150/mo. Better than having to come up with the full $850 each month. I'm going to talk to my dad about refinancing. I have no idea how that works but my realtor told me it might be something to check into. I guess we'll see.

Well, I have to shower while the little one is sleeping. (forgot to mention 220.4 this am. will have to wait and see what it says tomorrow)

I feel like I neglect so many things. This blog, my email buddy, my friends...

I have been caught up in my own head lately. My parents are coming out in 15 days and I'm thinking about that a lot. I've been caught up in my weight issues and the scale not moving as rapidly as it had. My sister is having issues and as terrible as I feel for her I want to tell her to do what needs to be done and move on with it. I can't do anything for her financially so I'm sitting here feeling helpless for her. She is overwhelmed. I would love to talk about it, to my mom or grams. My mom is living it tho and I think sometimes she calls me to be able to 'get away' from the issue and not have to deal with it for awhile.

I weighed in at 222.8 today. I'm constantly trying to be 'good' and stay on plan. I need to get to my emails and mail my friend from the board I'm on.

New day, same weight...227.8. Ugh. Still trucking. Was on plan all day yesterday.

Okay, so scratch that...

I was 227.8 today. I know, I know. My own fault. Alice came over with breakfast yesterday. And I thought, well, it won't hurt too much. I'm going to have to learn how to eat sometime, why not today. Let me just say, I PAID FOR IT. I have chrons disease and my intestines paid me back. I'm going to have to talk to her. I've told her before that I'm on a plan. After school today I'll have a chat and let her know that I can't spend another day in the bathroom ALL DAY.

So I had a great little 'accomplishment' last night. C and I still tuck all the kids into bed at night. I was in Syd's room talking to her and she stood up and hugged me. She looked up at me and said guess what mommy, my arms go all the way around you now. I about cried when I walked out of her room.

Okay, spent too much time in front of the computer today. Gotta get moving.

Happy Dancin...

226.6 today on my scale. I'm happy dancing all the way to the bank with that. Meme is down for a nap so I'm having some uninterrupted computer time. Thinking of all the things I should be doing right now. Like laundry, and vacuuming, and kitchen clean-up. She only 'let's me' vacuum while she's up. If I let her in the laundry room she terrorizes anything that I might have had clean!

Okay, going to move again.

Maybe it is safer here, but...

I still want someone to interact with. My MF board is getting hoakey right now so I've not been doing a lot of posting there. I guess I still feel like an 'outsider'. I love using the journal over there though. At least I get a little input. And I guess that I've always believed that people have to do what works for them as far as weight loss goes. If it's a great plan but you aren't going to stick with it then NO it isn't going to work for you. Period.

Well, weighed in at 227.6 today. I've been getting scale love lately and I'll take it. I've decided that I'm going bottom shopping next Monday when C is off work and can keep the baby home. I'm excited. I also thought that if I wait that long and keep on track I might possibly buy 18's instead of 20's. Even if they are a little snug. At least then I know I can't get lazy. Not comfortable with top shopping yet. Shirts these days are short and I'm still not comfortable with my midsection. So, I'll keep wearing what I have til I'm comfy with the stomach and maybe then I'll get new stuff. Depends on the $$ right now too.

Okay, gotta move, it's girl scout night tonight.