Better

Well, I'm feeling better than I have been lately. I'm still weighing daily. Today was 218.8. Same as yesterday. Not bad I guess. As I said before, I've been a little 'off' lately. Not quite sure what I was doing. Only half-assing the mf thing. More low-carb than mf actually. I ordered more food. That should help.

I guess I've just been in a funk with this attitude since before my parents got here. The whole 'poor me' dilemma. Why am I the fat one? Why is that I have to watch every single thing that goes into my mouth? Why am I not happy with the 66.2# that I have already lost? Am I really not happy? Wouldn't I be happy stopping now and just being satisfied to be the fat friend for the rest of my life? Why can't I have subway?

Anyway, this funk has been unbearable. I'm hoping to come out of the fog soon. I've tried to surround myself with supportive friends. My one friend, the same that would unintentionally sabotage me, is very supportive now that I've explained things to her. She even argued with me when I said that I would be taking time off when my p's were in town. Her argument was "you've done so well why stop now?"

She has been awesome. It's funny to be 32 and be able to say I have a best friend. I haven't had a close female friend for a very long time. I mean, I was civil to the women that I worked with. Just not on an intimate, share secrets, kind of friendship. She's a few years older than I. We both seem to be heading the same direction in life. Maybe a little different than what others are doing. We both seem to be extremely focused on our kids. Something that I don't see a lot of these days. And we're both loving wives.

Speaking of hubs. After spending time with other people I have started to tell him nightly, "thanks for not being an ass". I just don't understand women who live in a bad situation. Don't tell me you love him bossing you around and being an all around jack ass. So, anyway, I love my husband. It's taken us a very long time to get to this point. A lot of insecurity along the way, mostly one sided (ME). But, we talk now, and I think we understand each other better than we ever have. I always thought that we were soul mates. We just clicked. But it takes a lot of energy to share yourself with another person.

Okay, after talking in circles I'm going to go work on dinner. I need to make stuffing for girl scouts. They're going to go feed the fire-fighters.