Man, I don't want to be cliche, but I'm really beginning to hate this time of year. I have been so down lately and I just can't seem to get my head back into it. My kids are home all week this week and next and all I want to do is nap. I'm not sure what my problem is. I've been away from 'home' at this time of the year many times before now. C and I are at a great spot in our relationship so that's not it. My kids are behaving as well as can be expected. I mean, they all got new ds games for Christmas so they've been spending a lot of time with that and then playing on the Wii when we let them.

I feel like I need a break. I just want to sleep. I'm hoping that I'm not slipping back into a depression. I need to remember to take my happy pills on a regular basis so I don't slip back into it.

I've been stuck in my head a lot lately. I have been 'off' my plan since Tuesday night. I made it through our turkey dinner with just my salad and some turkey and then boom in the night I ate all the sugar cookies my mom had sent us. Don't worry, she only sent six--one for each of us.

Like I said before, C and I are at a wonderful spot in our relationship. It's taken us a long time to get here but one of the first real signs of my depression is feeling like I'm all alone when I know that there are people around that care for me. Again, I don't know if it's depression or just this time of year and being away from my family.

My mom and I cried on the phone together the other day because we don't get to see each other. I got very upset with my sister on the phone when I called my parent's on Christmas. She was very short with me and then pretty much hung up on me when everyone got there. My mom didn't even know that I called. And I decided I wasn't going to call back to get my feelings hurt again. She was pretty pissed when she found out that I had called and no one told her. My sister is turning back into that person I can't stand. She is very selfish and it's not something that needs to happen when you have kids. She has some jackass living with her that hasn't held a real job since before he moved in--which was sometime before I moved to Texas. He had a job at the store where my mom and sister work but got fired for calling in too many times. Supposedly he was vomiting blood but never went to the dr. If he would have gotten a dr's note he would have kept his job.

I guess my sis has gone back to asking my parents for money on a regular basis. When I talked to my mom one day last week she's pretty much said that she's cutting my sister off cause she (mom) and dad are not working full time jobs so that jackass can sit on his ass not having a job.

Okay, need to go tend to the kids. Baby is napping and I need to figure out the food situation for tonight.

Tired, again, or still?

I feel like I'm tired most of the time these days. I'm not getting good sleep at night anymore. I went to bed late last night, well, incredibly late for me--10:30ish. When hub got into bed it woke me up--12am ish. Had to pee at 2:36am. Woke up again at 5ish, maybe had the urge again but went back to sleep. Alarm blared me awake at 5:40am.

I'm going to stay up tonight wrapping presents for the kids. Gotta see if I need to get anything else before the big day.

Gotta go figure out dinner and clean some stuff while baby is napping.

Crazy!

Well, things have been a little crazy here lately. I've not been online since last Thursday if that tells you anything. Not that anything was wrong with the computer, there wasn't. I just didn't get a chance to get on here. C didn't go to work on Friday. We sat downstairs watching shows that we had dvr'd. Today I'm going to balance all the bills and hit Walmart when baby gets up from her nap. I feel like I have a thousand things to do. I'm going to go through all the things we've bought for the kids so I can see what I need to get. I have to get all the shopping done this week while the kids are still in school.

I'm feeling super stressed trying to figure out everything that I need to get done. And where is the $$ coming from. I wanted this to be a plastic free Christmas, first time in years. Well, that's not going to happen. We don't get paid again until Friday and I have to get the stuff this week. Not quite working out. I guess we'll see what happens.

Ready for bed anyone?

I am and it's only 10:30 am. I've got awhile before I can sleep. I've been hiding out lately. Lounging on the couch when I can. I've been fighting a cold for a few days. I think that Sat I woke up feeling funny. Sunday woke up with a major sore throat and it's just gotten worse from there. Not really the flu but still sick. Pain in the butt.

So, when baby gets up I have to go get gas for my grill or we're having sandwiches for dinner tonight. I refuse to cook certain things in the house. Either it smells up the whole house or the food just doesn't taste as good. So, it's gas or sandwiches!

I've been catching up on this season of Biggest Loser while being laid up in bed. I am SOOO ordering the videos that Bob makes! They don't come out until Dec. 18th so instead of being my Christmas present they might end up being an early birthday gift to me. I love Bob and his is a cardio something. I can't wait.

Okay, have tons of housewife stuff to do, like laundry. Gotta go.

I think I feel better today. I think that I am usually just upset by the time I get to the computer that I end up being all negative and grouchy. I got the baby down for her nap and I'm going to get some house stuff done.

I laid in bed thinking last night, something I normally do before I drift off. I am happy with where my life has taken me. I'm just frustrated right now. I guess I expected more. When I decide to do something I want instant gratification. I know, not always a possibility. And I know that when I don't see instant results I get frustrated.

I think this 'dieting' is affecting everything else in my life. I'm not losing as fast as I had and now instead of being upset and focusing on not losing as quickly I'm easier to anger about other things. After thinking about it I'm just mad that my body is being stubborn and holding on to the weight. I'm frustrated because even though I've dropped 70#s now I've only lost about 3-4 pant sizes. Went from a tight 24/comfortable 26 to a very snug 18. I know my body is different than everyone else's but it's frustrating.

Probably not the time to divulge information but the other night my husband commented on not being so comfortable because I was getting too bony. Now, that makes me happy cause I'm getting bony just not in the spots that I want or the spots that really need it. My ribs are poking him. I just can't seem to get rid of my stomach and my hips/thighs. It's just frustrating.

I keep thinking that I could lose another 20 pounds and probably be in the same bottoms. And under my girls is not going to get any smaller. My rib bones are showing. It's just frustrating. I thought I had come to terms with the fact that I'm a BIG girl. I can see now that I have not. I don't want to be stuck in an 18 forever. My dream would be to get my huge hips into a 12 so I can be somewhat normal. So, again, I guess that most of the time I'm fine with things and then I sit in front of here and type and negative comes out. Makes me question what that says about me.

On a positive note, it's Friday. I have NOTHING planned for the weekend. C has to go to work tomorrow to take some all day test to see if he can get moved to the next level. Here's hoping cause with said level comes pay raise. That would be a nice bonus. When the baby gets up I'm going to run some errands. Today was payday and I'm going to get some more Christmas stuff. Okay, gotta move or I'm going to get stuck here!

Hmm

Happy? I don't know? I'm satisfied most of the time. Happy with where I am in this life. Being a stay at home mom. Being involved with my children. Happy that I've decided to do something about my health and in so doing I'm doing something about my weight.

I have been stuck in my head a lot lately. I've realized I'm vulnerable to other peoples emotions. When one of my moms visits me and they get all riled up telling me about something I find myself getting all riled up. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I am glad that I've connected with them. I can say that I have friends but I find myself obsessing about what I can do to make their lives better. Reading journals and blogs and emails I can feel the pain and fear of my friends. I know that it's normal to 'connect' with people and be supportive. But I seem to spend a lot of time trying to make other people happy and forget to look at myself.

When I find myself doing the above I end up pulling back into my 'shell' and just ignoring things. I have this wonderful little belief that if I ignore it long enough it will just go away. UM, NOT QUITE HOW THINGS WORK. And then I feel helpless. If I can't do enough.

Anyway, ramblings again. I'm going to start taking some pills again. And I really need to find a dr here. Just another thing to do while I'm online.

Grouchy anyone?

Yah, I had my two servings today and am fully stocked. I don't know what my problem is lately. I'm just grouchy. Everyone makes me mad. I want to ask people 'where did you put your brain today?' I keep telling myself to get over it but so far I can't shake it. I got up this morning and did my usual scale dance (scale-pee-scale-shower-scale) and I got a good number 214.8. I should be happy. This is the lowest I've been in YEARS. I mean, like five years. So, I know I should be happy. Instead I'm sitting here thinking about how someone that is supposed to be my friend is just totally taking advantage of me. I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to get away from it. I don't even want to answer my phone anymore cause I know she's going to ask me for something.

So, I need to get to Walmart when baby wakes up. I have some stuff to do after school today. The boy child has young astronauts right after school and then boy scouts at 6:30 which means dinner on the stove ready to go when I pick them up from school. Which also means I need to go clean the kitchen.

Thinking

I've been thinking a lot lately. I seem to reflect a lot more than usual this time of year. Of course things have been changing this year. I've come a long way baby. I keep thinking about where I was last year at this time. In Feb it will be my official one year anniversary on mf. I think about diet and exercise a lot lately. I think about being a good mom and not someone that's just around to fix the food and do the laundry. I think about being a good wife. I think about being a good friend. I think about where I've been and where I'm going in life.

At the beginning of the year I had a full time job that I mostly enjoyed. I had my youngest daughters in 'day care' because of it. I was living in IN. I weighed a whole heck of a lot more than I do now. Since Feb I've lost a total of about 50-52# at any given time. Total weight loss from my highest is 65-67#s.

Sometimes I feel like I obsess about diet and weight. It seems to be all I can think about sometimes. When can I eat again. What will I have next. Am I going to get my little exercise in for the day? How do I feel?

Staind

When I weighed this morning I was at 218.8. Not bad. Five pounds since Tuesday. I've spent time on here today looking for cheap cd's and dvd's to get for myself and C for Christmas. I will make them be from the kids.

Not much going on in my head right now. Keep thinking of sleep.

Tired

I'm tired. I guess I've been tired for some time now. I never seem to enjoy an entire night of sleep. I get up at least once a night for a bathroom visit. And lately at least one of the kids has decided to wake me to tell me, 1-they had to use the bathroom, 2-they had a bad dream, 3-they wanna sleep with me. So, I've been getting interrupted sleep a lot lately.

Anywho, this am I was 220.2. Hoping for a much lower number tomorrow. I set a mini goal to be at 205 for the end of the year/new years day. I can remember setting a goal to be at 215 the year Ms. Morgana would have been about 1.5 years old, that would have been four years ago. Pretty funny how your perception/perspective changes with time. When I got down to 215 at that time I thought I was hot stuff. Haven't felt so hot much lately. I mean don't get me wrong, things have been much better. I'm assuming it's my confidence with my smaller body. But being 220 now feels like 250 compared to being 220 four years ago. That probably doesn't make any sense to anyone but me. But again, this just proves that it's all in your mind.

I'm a people watcher. I watch people when I'm not eyeballing my children to make sure they're safe and all that. More and more I've noticed that I am not the biggest person in the world anymore. We had a 'roundup' type boyscout meeting tonight. I am comfortably in my 20's now. There were other moms there and while a couple were small the majority were larger gals. I can't get over how so many big girls are stuffing themselves into clothing that does not fit. As a big girl I love the big baggy stuff to 'hide' my flaws. I've noticed that a lot of larger moms (probably should be my size) are squeezing themselves into much smaller clothing (probably a 12 or 14 bottoms). Girls do you really think that no one sees that belly hanging over? And then I have to question, are they just in denial about how they've let themselves go or do they really think they look good like that? My sister did this after she had kids. She refused to admit that she had some flaws (VERY MINOR FLAWS) and she would stuff herself into her pre-pregnancy clothes. You should know that I would just about kill for a body like my sisters. Although she is a little rounder than most she is very attractive physically. She just needs to figure out how to work with what she has now instead of thinking she's exactly how she was pre-kids. Hm, where's this coming from? I'm not sure. I know that not everyone has foody issues. I just wonder if these girls that are having overhang are ok. Are they depressed. Has anyone taken the time out to talk to them and ask them how they are?

My cousin called me yesterday. My BIG cousin. We didn't have time to get into the whole diet thing. I just can't imagine going back to where I have been. I refuse to let it happen. EVER. I told my husband that he was allowed to shoot me if I ever did.

Ramblings of a lunatic I guess is what it is tonight. I lay in bed at night thinking about everything from the color of my bedroom to the true meaning of life and if there really is a Santa Clause Charley Brown. I'm just putting it down tonight. As I sit here smelling the popcorn my husband must have made. At least he didn't bring it up to wave in my face. He really is a good guy, my husband.

I sat on the floor to play with the baby today. I absolutely love being able to stay home with her. I worked on getting her to talk most of the afternoon. I finally got her to say 'cracker' only it was more like kah-kuh. But I know what she means. And she got the biggest kick out of me doing a happy dance every time she'd repeat it back to me and then say T-ank ou. She really is too cute.

Okay, bed is calling my name. Here's hoping it's only two wake-ups tonight! Maybe I can play nice tomorrow.

Begin again

Woohoo! I got my order last night. At 8:05pm the doorbell rang and C and I just looked at each other and I said "WHAT? My friends don't come over this late!"

Well, he answered the door and it was a box! I'm so excited. I got my order! I've already had two shakes so far today. I'm not feeling too bad. I had my second shake about an hour ago. I'm on my fourth bottle of water. The baby and I will walk to get the kids from school cause it's supposed to be nice out. I'll take a lap around the subdivision before we go tho. I should mention that I was 223.8 this morning. I know for a fact that when I transition to maint. I should probably go a little lower than my goal weight just cause I'm probably going to gain some weight back. This was two days off plan. And I wasn't being bad, just eating 'normal' foods. Just much smaller portions. And not a lot of snacking going on.

So, I've been kind of blah lately. I have a whole lot of things to get done and I DO NOT feel like doing any of them. I have a friend that needs to do some sewing and she's had problems motivating herself to do what needs to be done. I love to crochet. I got my niece's blanket done and started another blanket. I'm so frustrated that I don't even want to work on it. It's going to be for my good grams. And I have no intention of having it done for Christmas although it would be a nice surprise to just mail it to her. Instead of working on it, I'm pissing myself off trying to get it done in time to surprise her so I'm not working on it at all. Pretty stupid right. Yeah, I know. Again, it's all in the mindset. I know I don't have to have it done but I've put a deadline on it. And instead of working towards that goal I'd rather pout and not work on the blanket at all. I mean, it's just a blanket. And she doesn't even know I'm doing it. So, no big deal if it's NOT done in time.

Again, all mindset. Same thing with the 'diet'. I know I shouldn't call it that. But for me to do it I have to say I'm on a diet. I can't have that. Thanks anyway.

Well, C had the day off yesterday so we decided to get some of the shopping done for the kids. I think that we have a majority of the gifts bought. I need to get at least one outfit for each kid. And some purple sheets to go with a comforter I bought. I'm going to get a Walmart card after Christmas and start putting $20 or $40 on it each time he gets paid. If I only do the $20 then I will have at least $440 saved for next year's Christmas. Now I just have to remember to do it. I vowed that we would not be using any plastic to purchase gifts this year (other than debit cards) and we have not used them yet. Also, we would not be behind on our bills just to be able to buy expensive gifts. I'm taking the lead of a friend in thinking about the gifts I will be giving instead of just getting something to be able to have something to give. I think that for my two new girlfriends here I will take a start off of my spider plant and plant them and give them a new plant for Christmas. Is that cheesy? The one girl just moved in down the street and I was going to do it as a housewarming gift. I also thought about doing little starts for both her girls. Jo got two spider plant starts from her teacher last year and she thought she was HOT STUFF! Plus the one plant has about ten babies hanging on it.

Okay, need to move and get some stuff done. Laundry, dishes, kitchen, read the Sunday paper.

Tired

Okay, so my 'friend' showed up yesterday. As expected. Like I said, it took me awhile but I finally realized why I'd rather cry and scream than anything else.

Today I was 218.8. Ugh, I feel FAT.

I made it to the store yesterday but was stupid enough to forget my wallet at home so I had to RUN home and get it and go BACK to the store. At least the crowd wasn't bad.

Okay, have to get things situated for the party we're having. It starts at three so I still have three hours to finish vacuuming and get the food going. I'm feeding the kids mac and cheese and hot dogs.

PMS anyone???

Okay, so I have some PMS related issues. Took me a few days to figure it out. My fuse has been incredibly short these last few days. I woke up today with a headache, normal sign of coming visitor, and said, hello, dumb ass, where's your brain been, no wonder you've been such a joy to live with lately.

So, I've claimed that. She still isn't here but at least I know why my boobs hurt and why I wanted to eat most of the day yesterday (I DIDN'T DO IT, btw). I threatened to eat the kids arms if someone didn't get their crap out of my way so I could make ANOTHER salad. I made it through the day though without wrecking what I've been working towards. Don't get me wrong, it was very hard for me. I got angry about it all when I started smelling all the smells but then I reminded myself that I needed to be grateful for what I have.

Anyway, when the rest of the fam here started to enjoy the pumpkin pie, which I hate anyway-but was talking to me, I decided to call my fam back in Indiana and talk to everyone that had gone to my p's to enjoy a feast. They passed me around and I have to say it was well worth it. My dad had my uncle make a dvd of all the pics they took while on vacation here. Well, when I called they were watching the pics. My fav grams grabbed the phone from my mom and just says oh my gosh Stephie, congratulations. Yes, my grams calls me Stephie, it used to be Stephie Dawne but I got her to drop the middle name years ago. Anyway, she was so excited to tell me what a difference she could see that she had grabbed the phone from my mom. I was so happy. I had to call my grams this morning to tell her that she made my day yesterday.

So, I was 216.4 yesterday. Today was 216.8. I know that it's PMS related. I wore a dress yesterday that I haven't had on in seven years. Yah, it was big on me but that's how I like them. My biggest 'problem' area is my stomach. I have a feeling it's never going to go away. I've decided that once I get to MY ideal weight I'm going to go have that dress altered to fit my new body. I'm keeping that one.

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I guess that being away from my family during holidays always seems to bring this side out. I know that it's probably not a good thing, but I'm glad that I didn't have to go to someone else's house for T-day. I'm not sure that I could have handled it. Plus, there is just so much drama in my family right now. I love my sister to death but she needs to act like she's an adult, not a 17yo kid. When I asked her about her idiot boyfriend she all of a sudden had to get off the phone.

Tuesday was my oldest daughters birthday. My sis called that night bawling from work. Not quite the happy birthday I was hoping for. After she talked to Josephina she tells me that I can't tell mom but her boyfriend might be the dad to some newborn baby. They have to do a paternity test to find out. I would think that this is not such a big deal since sis and said ass have only been together since March or April. The math does not add up. Baby would have been made before they got together right?? Whatever. I don't understand that ass anyway. He's happy hoping it's his cause he wants to know he can father a child. Same jackass that didn't hold a job for five out of the last six months. He doesn't understand why my sis hasn't gotten pregnant yet. Um, hello, do you REALLY need to bring another kid into it? My sis has two kids already. My parent's have to baby sit a couple of nights a week cause she needs the 'help'. I really don't think a baby would fix anything.

And then there's my other grandma. My dad's mom. My husband and I had a conversation about her last night. She is just something else. There's not really any way to describe her. She's one of those people. Living in denial. She's got to be pushing 300#. I get so angry when we have family things with her cause she's the one SITTING at the dessert table putting things in her mouth saying "I shouldn't be having this" as she puts the crap in her mouth. I don't know if I would have had the nerve to keep my mouth shut this year.

And my brother. Let's see...he comes up to my parents house so he can sleep for the entire time he's there. Not a big deal right? Except that he's got a six year old son that is very demanding of my mother. He only comes to visit so he has a babysitter. And I would have had to smack that kids mouth for ordering my mother around.

I am glad that I didn't have to deal with any of that yesterday. Between my pms and the 'dieting' I probably would have exploded on a few people. I'm glad I just had to deal with my own kids and the hub. Well, that and my own food issues and anger and all the baggage that comes with me.

So, today is Friday, and as much as I don't want to leave my house for fear of black friday shoppers, I need to go to the grocery store and buy milk, lettuce, tomatoes, bread and some candy for the goody bags for our party tomorrow. I am going to shower and then go once the baby gets up from her nap. I hope she wakes up in a good mood. And I hope all the crazies have gone home by the time I have to go out. The deals should be well over by noon right. Hopefully they don't all decide to go to the store once they've done all the other stuff.

Better??

I guess we'll see. I just laid baby down. I hope that she decides to take a nap today. She has only taken a one hour nap so far today. With everything else that has been going on that just isn't going to work for me.

Diet wise, I'm on bottle seven of water (x16.9 oz=118.3 oz). Not completely done with it yet tho. Have only had coffee and one salad so far today. I'm going to go eat another salad when I'm done typing. I was 217.8 this morning. Attitude-not bad. I can't wait for my 'food' to get here. I will be a much happier person when I have some choices. I need some shakes. I'm so sick of the crap stuff that I have right now that I've been skipping my meals. I know, I don't need a lecture, that's not a good thing. I gave the same lecture to my mom when she was here. I just can't stomach the chic noodle soup any more.

My 'big' kids have stopped most of their drama. Six year old has been included with the others.

Okay, so, I know it's almost Thanksgiving, and I always seem to reflect on things that I am truly thankful for. This year will be no different. I am thankful that my husband is not an ass. He and I had to have that conversation again last night. I've told you about my coffee friends? Well, the one mom, D, brought her friend over yesterday. This is the first time I've met the other chica, H. Well, they both start going off on their husbands and what jerks they are. Something was on tv at the time and D says, man, can you imagine having someone love you as much as you can see him loving her (guy on tv looking at woman on tv). Why would you stay married to someone that you think is an ass? H, has a three month old, thinks she could be pregnant again, will find out Dec 3 if another baby (5mo) is her husbands. UM, HELLO! Stupid.

I am thankful that Corey and I are comfortable enough with each other now that we can talk about so many different things. I am glad that he is a good dad. I am glad that he has given me the opportunity to stay home with our youngest. I was a sahm mom for so many years. When I went back into the work-force it was necessary due to our financial situation. He hates change. And he took a new job and we moved so I could stay home. Of course it was something that we discussed, don't think that he just decided to get a new job.

I am thankful for my children and their health. Even if they do occasionally irritate me. I am glad that they are healthy. We have had no major illnesses this year. No hospitalizations. I am thankful that I have smart children.

I am thankful for new friendships. Whether in person or on my computer and telephone. I have a couple of new friends that I have come to cherish. I did not realize that for so long I was without true friends. I mean, I had some friends that I could talk to about SOME things but I would never bare my soul to them. I know for a fact that if I needed anything I could call my friend A! She's already trying to bend over backwards to make me happy. And NO not in a bad clingy way. She's a true friend. We actually have had conversations about how well we have connected. I swear she's like a long lost sister.

Okay, I need to do some stuff while baby is sleeping.

BAD MOOD

Sometimes my kids just PISS ME OFF. I swear, I love them to death but some days they just PUSH MY BUTTONS.

Better

Well, I'm feeling better than I have been lately. I'm still weighing daily. Today was 218.8. Same as yesterday. Not bad I guess. As I said before, I've been a little 'off' lately. Not quite sure what I was doing. Only half-assing the mf thing. More low-carb than mf actually. I ordered more food. That should help.

I guess I've just been in a funk with this attitude since before my parents got here. The whole 'poor me' dilemma. Why am I the fat one? Why is that I have to watch every single thing that goes into my mouth? Why am I not happy with the 66.2# that I have already lost? Am I really not happy? Wouldn't I be happy stopping now and just being satisfied to be the fat friend for the rest of my life? Why can't I have subway?

Anyway, this funk has been unbearable. I'm hoping to come out of the fog soon. I've tried to surround myself with supportive friends. My one friend, the same that would unintentionally sabotage me, is very supportive now that I've explained things to her. She even argued with me when I said that I would be taking time off when my p's were in town. Her argument was "you've done so well why stop now?"

She has been awesome. It's funny to be 32 and be able to say I have a best friend. I haven't had a close female friend for a very long time. I mean, I was civil to the women that I worked with. Just not on an intimate, share secrets, kind of friendship. She's a few years older than I. We both seem to be heading the same direction in life. Maybe a little different than what others are doing. We both seem to be extremely focused on our kids. Something that I don't see a lot of these days. And we're both loving wives.

Speaking of hubs. After spending time with other people I have started to tell him nightly, "thanks for not being an ass". I just don't understand women who live in a bad situation. Don't tell me you love him bossing you around and being an all around jack ass. So, anyway, I love my husband. It's taken us a very long time to get to this point. A lot of insecurity along the way, mostly one sided (ME). But, we talk now, and I think we understand each other better than we ever have. I always thought that we were soul mates. We just clicked. But it takes a lot of energy to share yourself with another person.

Okay, after talking in circles I'm going to go work on dinner. I need to make stuffing for girl scouts. They're going to go feed the fire-fighters.

Out of sorts

I have been somewhat out of sorts lately. I am of course, analyzing everything. I posted on my board and was totally honest. I still don't feel as if I belong there but I feel much better about being honest. I have been less than diet obsessed for a couple of days now. I even had two soft shelled tacos at dinner last night. I know that throws things out of whack. I need to do some research online and find out exactly how many carbs I can eat each day. I've only eaten two salads so far today. I've got a ham in my roaster and will have that and a salad at dinner.

I gotta make a phone call.

Here, again

Well, this would be day two in a row. I'm sitting here with a knot in my stomach. There are so many things going on right now. I just don't get the computer time I want. I should be downstairs cleaning and then doing my strength exercises. Instead I'm sitting here on the computer while I actually have a few minutes. I put the baby down early for a nap. I'm going to try and run some errands when she gets up. I need to hit a Wal-mart and after that I don't know what I'll do. I'm hoping to be able to walk to get the kids this afternoon. My two big ones are going out with Ms. Alice after school. I might have her daughter while they go but I'm not sure yet. I feel bad because she wants to take my kids. I just want to enjoy the quiet. I'll have to see how Morgan is after school before I say yes.

I'm trying to keep myself busy so I don't focus on my lack of friends here. My new neighbor down the street, D, is wrapped up in her own stuff right now. Her husband seems incredibly controlling and it's harder and harder for me to keep my mouth shut when she starts telling me what an ass he is. She is such a strong woman. I can't see her putting up with any of it. He makes me feel very trashy when I'm around him. Like I should live in a trailer park or something. They just bought their house and went out and bought almost all brand new furniture...sectional sofa, dinning table with chairs, a bistro (?) table, two new beds, and a whole load of misc. stuff. My other friend gave a box spring and mattress to them and when we stopped to drop it off controlling husband looked like his eyes were going to bug out of his head. He didn't even want it in the house. She just kind of laughed it off. I keep thinking about it. I don't think that I'm jealous. She actually gave me two loft beds that they don't want anymore and I'm soooo excited to get them in the house and put them up. I just can't imagine being so snooty as to not accept something that someone has given you because it's not brand new.

Okay, so, let's move on. I'm going to call my friend in Ohio as soon as I'm sure the baby is down. I need to sit down and figure out the bills for next Friday when hub gets paid again. And then I am going to get moving and get stuff done so I can enjoy my shopping day out after naptime.

Another day...

I swear to myself that I'm going to get on here daily and write. Not for you, but for me. It makes me feel much nicer when I get my shit out. And then I skip days cause crazy shit happens. I had to get Texas plates for my van. Nasty woman on the phone says, 'you know they can repo your van if you don't get your plates switched over'. Um, no, I didn't know that. But you really don't need to be a bitch about it either. Ask nicely and I'll get it done.

So, spent about three hours yesterday from when we left the house to when we pulled back into the driveway to get that shit done. I got pretty pissy with the window lady. I had called there yesterday morning. Wanted to make sure I had ALL the stuff with me. My friend was driving me down and I don't just live down the street--what do I need to have. Woman on the phone is saying things and I'm asking, this is what I have is it enough or do I need to go find actual insurance policy. No, glovebox card is enough. Get downtown and woman at window says, um, need to know coverage this won't work. Again, friend took time out of her day to drive me down there cause she has gps in her truck. Woman calls supervisor and supervisor says well, woman on phone didn't know you were from out of state. I politely say, yes, maam she did cause I said, I'm relocating from Indiana and I need to have Texas plates and registration for my van. WHAT DO I NEED? I also made sure that they would not be going out to check vin or any of that on the van since friend was driving. I made sure to tell woman on phone this information.

So, after a very red face, and loads of time filling out much paperwork-some forms even twice-I have plates for my van. After Christmas I will go get the shit for hubs car. NOT GOING TO DEAL WITH THAT ANYTIME SOON.

Diet wise I'm doing fine. Today is day three back on plan. I gained nine, yes, nine pounds from Oct 31-Nov 12. I weighed in at 227 on Tuesday when I started up on mf again. Today it was 222.4. Not bad for two days right? I need to get ahold of my buddy and order some food.

Okay, gotta get moving so I can get to the store when baby wakes. I have to go get some stuff out of friends garage that she's giving me (loft beds) at 1pm and I need groceries before that.

Ranting of a lunatic

That's exactly how I feel these days. I mentioned before that I seemed to unknowingly join a cult??? I enjoy this 'fat girl board' as I call them. There are a few boys on board, not to be discriminating. Anyway, my 'diet' of choice is medifast, most of the time, and I found this board. I thought said board would be awesome to join in on. Lots of support and encouragement. No blatant flaming going on during my lurking. I have limited computer time. Easy to log on and fill my cup with positive vibes right? Wrong. I cannot stand small minded people. People who believe that the only way to do things is their way. There is never any middle ground. Never grey, just straight up black and white. Right or wrong. Win or lose.

Well, I'm sorry that I don't fit your little cookie cutter mold. I like to be different. That's just part of me. Hub and I joke that it's nice to be different, just like everyone else. But seriously. How boring would life be if everyone was exactly the same? Believed the same things. You cannot go through life with blinders on thinking that there is only one way to do things. Maybe I am just crazy? At my last job I had to train people for their positions. I would always start by saying, 'this is how I do it, once you figure out what needs to be done, you'll find the way that works best for you' and I'd leave it at that. Pretty simple really. This is what needs to be done, this is when it needs to be done, here's all these other things you can use to fill time, figure out what works best for you. I don't want to live with machines. I want humans with feelings and thoughts and beliefs.

Point of this rant...the majority of the people on that fat board believe that mf is the only way to go. It's totally mf, totally compliant, on-plan or you can't be successful. When I began this re-start in August I had every intention of only working it for two weeks and then moving on. I wanted a quick start. I've worked it much longer because I had the supplies to do so. With $$ being a little tighter since we've moved I've had to rethink things. I know that I do not need to eat out all the time and spend $$. I also know that I'm not going to mf for the rest of my life. I'm okay with that. I'm not going to be the skinny little anorexic type. That's just not me. I want to keep my curves just lose some of the pudge. That's all.

Okay, rant over, I think, for now. I need to put my over tired behind to bed and sleep on it.

Can't sleep...

Well, my parents flew out this morning. It was a very nice week while they were here. Now it's just depressing. They told my kids bye last night before bed. All three of my big kids went to bed crying. They were all very upset to see the grandparents go away. And we're not sure when we'll see them again. Corey and I were talking about taking a vacation in IN next summer. Maybe around the fourth of July.

The week was crazy in and of itself. Kids were still in school. Parents got here Friday night a week ago (in the middle of the night again--11pm or so-way past my bedtime). We got up and spent some time together on Sat. Took the kids to the duck pond to feed all the ducks and then play on the toys. Had to hit a store after that so the p's could get all their bathroom stuff (didn't want to bring it in their luggage with them).

Don't think we did anything on Sunday??? Just did a lot of hanging out together. Spending time playing in the back yard. We had to hit the grocery store cause I didn't have carrots to put into the roast for dinner.

Monday and Tuesday Corey took off work. We went into his office on Mon. so the p's could see where he worked. Also got to see that part of town. We went to lunch at this local steak buffet. I didn't even have any steak.

Wednesday we went into the school and had lunch with all three kids. That was VERY time-consuming. Miss Morgana eats at 11:20, the boy eats at 11:50. And Josephina didn't come in until 12:10. It was also fun to try and entertain the baby that long. I think that I might go in once a week to eat with one kid. After we did lunch I drove the p's by the library and then around Lackland. My dad loves airplanes. Every since Sept. 11th they won't let anyone on base that shouldn't be there. So, we just drove around a lot.

Wednesday the boy child had young astronauts after school so we really didn't plan much. We took walks almost every night after dinner. I don't think that I walked less than five miles each day the p's were here.

We took the kids to Chuck E. Cheeses on Thursday night. It was nice. We got there around four and we were the only ones in there for like 30minutes. Then one other mom came in with two kids. I think we spent about three hours there. After a couple of hours it started to get a LOT busier.

Friday we went downtown after the kids got out of school. They only had a half day. We went on the Riverwalk and went to the Alamo. I was totally impressed. Corey has the 26th off this month and I told him that I wanted to go back downtown next time he has a weekday off. I had to fight a little with the baby to keep her in her stroller. But other than that it was pretty awesome. We did the boat ride tour thingy. I got to see the Christmas tree up at the river mall. I also found the IMAX theater (it's at the mall). I could have spent a LOT of time checking things out. We walked past a wax museum, the Guiness Book of Records Museum. I found the Children's museum. Plus all the buildings were just awesome. I'm not sure who but someone told me that I probably wouldn't be very impressed with the Alamo but I was. I could have spent a lot of time there reading all the displays and checking out all the grounds.

It was such a nice time to have the p's here. We didn't have any really stressful or crazy times. We had to rearrange the sleeping arrangements again. We put the airbed in the boys room and moved his bed out to the family room. That way mom and dad could share a room and everyone had a bed.

I'm so tired right now. I got up at 3:15 to be able to wake up a little before having to drive them to the airport this morning. I was back in bed before five. Baby was up at seven and was not very happy. She didn't get changed during the night last night so she was soaked. She's napping again. I tried to lay down but I can't sleep. Miss M was nice enough to try and give me a foot massage so I would go to sleep. It really just tickled sometimes.

Okay, kids are watching Spiderman 3. I'm going to go see what's happening and then fix some lunch. I think I'm done with this novel.

Oh, and I forgot to say C got called into work today. UGH. And I have NOT stepped on the scale this week cause I was TOTALLY OFF PLAN. I enjoyed too many treats. Either tomorrow or Tuesday I will rejoin the dieting community. *MORE ON THIS LATER. I didn't realize I joined a cult*

Forgot...

Forgot to say that I am so incredibly tired these days. I've been waking up at least once a night, if not twice, to hit the library. I drink too much water too close to bedtime. We're going trick or treating tonight. I've got on my horns and tail. I'm taking the new neighbors daughters with us. New neighbors will be closing on their house (should be signing 500 pages of stuff as we speak). The one guy told them to plan on being there for four to six hours. Can you imagine? I know it takes awhile but man, six hours? So, their two daughters will be joining us for the goodies.

I hope that there are actually people here in the subdivision that will be participating. But who knows. Things are so different here. Halloween seems like much more of a 'cult' type thing here. Not the sweet innocent fun that we had back in IN. I haven't wanted to watch the news lately because they've been finding mutilated cats all over. One woman had her cat taken and a few days later half of the cat was in her driveway. So, yah, things are different here.

I feel like the grouch goddess lately. I have no fuse to speak of. We got home from girl scouts last night and I just wanted to scream. I know that the girls are wound up when they're done but enough. Settle down already. I think we're going to start walking to the meetings because at least we'd have time to get some energy out on the walk home. I told them last night that if they keep acting like fools they won't be allowed to go back.

Okay, making frozen pizza for dinner but I need to go get my salad situated while baby is napping. Maybe I'll work on my blanket for a bit.

Ah, Halloween...

Gotta love busy days. Sometimes it makes it easier to stay 'on-plan', and sometimes easier to fall off...

I've only been half-hearted lately anyway. Not quite there mentally. I keep debating in my head about taking some time off. I need a break. When I started doing medifast it was with the full understanding that this would not be a forever thing for me. It would be a nice kick in the right direction. I've been doing this consistently for over two months now. Yah, I've dropped almost 30 pounds in that time. That in and of itself is a nice boost in the ego. But when I feel deprived daily it's not right. I know my female issues aren't helping this at all. I'm emotional and I'm trying not to make any rash decisions because I want to do something stupid. But a turkey sandwich from Subway is not a BAD thing. And I shouldn't have to stay away from all carbs. Eventually I'm going to have to face real food. I'm thinking that I will schedule a two week break. Yah, I might gain some weight. I think I'm okay with that. We get paid our rent on the seventh and I could place an order for bearable foods then. I am not giving myself the right to go crazy with food. I'm giving myself the right to eat a sandwich every now and again. NO, I will not add back pastas and rice with dinner. I can continue to make it for the rest of the family and not put it on my plate.

I'm sure I will be reprimanded on the board. And I'm sure five thousand people will try and talk me out of it if I even have the nerve to post that I'm thinking about it. I've not posted on the board lately because I feel false. I had my bad day on Sunday and haven't posted since before then.

Good morning world...

Well, we didn't make it over to pay rent yesterday so that is on the list of things to do today. I'm going to have to hit target to get some fake glasses for my oldest daughters character costume...kids can come to school in a costume if they are a character from a book AND they bring the book to school with them. Oldest wants to be Junie B. Jones...have to figure that one out. The boy will be Harry Potter. Younger daughter is going to be Cinderella, I think--that was, as of bedtime last night. I will put the baby in her Magenta costume before we walk over to the school to see the character parade at 2pm.

So, lets see, bought a shampooer yesterday and it is awesome! It has removed all the drops of who-knows-what from the spill-proof cups off the floor. The big red kool-aid stain is still there but I had a suggestion from a friend to try that oxyclean on it and see if it helps.

No major news to report. I've gotta clean some bathrooms today and play with the carpet cleaner some more!

Diet news-stepped on the scale today. Glad I didn't do it yesterday. Was 218 on Sunday then had that bad day. Today scale said 220.4. UGH. Can't even imagine what she would have said yesterday. Had a great compliment after school yesterday. I chat with my two mom friends after school. We were walking towards the parking lot and one of the mom's starts yelling that she has to tell me something (I was walking a ways in front of them at that point). I wait for her to catch up and she tells me that she could really notice a difference in me today. She said to me that when I was walking my butt looked smaller. I about kissed her. Well, then this morning my other mom friend said that when me and first mom were walking we had on same kind of bottoms and from the back we look the same from the waist down. Mind you mom #1 is in 14's. I'm in 18's now. I am stoked. It's nice to hear things from people that I'm seeing daily. Now I really can't wait for my parents to get here. I want my momma to see me.

When I started doing MF I wasn't sure how long it would last. I am now down over 50#s with it. I've set 170 as a goal weight but am not sure about that. I don't know if that would seriously be comfortable for my body. I don't want to have to 'diet' forever. I'd like to get to a weight that I can maintain and still eat some foods. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've never actually seen myself succeeding on this weight loss journey. I figured that I'd give up when I'd lost 30 or 40 pounds and just be satisfied. I am satisfied with what I've done so far, don't get me wrong. I'm just not satisfied enough to stop yet. I keep thinking that if I can get my body under 200#'s I'd be happy. I've said that for a long time. Again, at that point I'm going to play it by feeling and see how my body FEELS and what I'm comfortable with.

I don't want to make excuses, or have anyone think that I'm just making excuses to be able to quit. I just know that my body is never going to be small. I'm going to have to find some pictures of me in HS and post them on my MMT board. I've got one from me during my junior year when I started my first diet. In the picture I was between 185-190# and you really wouldn't know it. I'm thick--solid, I guess would be a good word for it. Again, not trying to make excuses, just being acceptable to what I have and what I've been given.

Okay, going to go play with my carpet shampooer for awhile.

Hello Monday

Well, it's Monday again. I did it...I hit my half way mark. They do 'roll-call' on my one board on Sundays so that has become my weigh day. I was 218 even yesterday. That puts me down a total of 52#'s since Feb. And 67# from my heaviest weight of 285.

I then proceeded to have a terrible horrible no good very bad day. I was walking into the kitchen at about one to make my salad for lunch. My phone rang and it was younger daughters scout leader calling to say the nuts were in, needed to come pick them up. Called other leader and could pick up other daughters nuts at her house after picking up for younger. Well, I should mention that most Sundays I do not shower until baby takes her late nap. So, instead of eating, I decided yes, I most definitely needed to shower cause I had some funky bed head going on. I also needed to go to Target to get bags of candy for girl scout parties while I was out. So, I was already going to be eating late at lunch by having lunch at one. Well, I took my water with me and just kept chugging. When I got home I decided I was having a sandwich. I was dying and it was the fastest thing into my mouth. Well, I did doritos with the sandwich. Later I had some cheese nips. It was just not good on my part.

I should also mention that I'm having female issues. My body does not seem to like the amount of weight I am losing and instead of stopping my cycle it has only increased it. I am now having my period for the third time this lovely month of October. YES THIRD. My pms monster is unbearable once a month not to mention the three times I've had to fight her this month. Let's just chalk yesterday up to her. Me-two; pms-one. I'm still the winner tho right?

Well, I did NOT have the nerve to step on the scale this morning. I knew that it would just spiral out of control if I did. I have been up since 5:45 (had to hit the snooze once). Had one shake so far, two cupsa coffee, and three bottles of water.

Baby is napping nicely now. I'm going to go figure out the bill situation. We're going to go pay the rent when she gets up and then hit walmart. I can't afford an order of my food but we're going to go buy a carpet shampooer. If we don't get one soon there's no way I'll be able to save the poor cream colored carpet in this house. I'm not going to lose my $1050 deposit either. I've already made the house pmt for Nov. so when we get the rent on the 7th I should be able to use some of it for an order.

I've also been considering altering 'the plan'. I can't post this on the board because I don't want to be exiled. Someone told me that she uses skim milk for a supp when she's running low on her supplies. I might do that. I can get a gallon of skim for about $3.50 versus the 200-300 I spend on an order. Maybe do the skim thing for three 'meals' a day and then use the chic soup I have for one meal and then whatever for the fifth. I don't make it public on the forum that I don't follow 'the plan' as written. Occasionally I only have four supps a day. As long as I keep seeing some results it's better that quitting totally and starting to gain because I'm eating "normal" again.

So, that's my diet life in a nutshell. I haven't talked to my sister for about a week and a half because she can't pay her cell phone bill. I know I've complained about her life before but I still love her and I miss her. I'm actually going to use a pen and paper and write the girl. I have no idea what's up with her. My mom gives me some info but like I said before, she calls me to forget about having to help my sis out all the time.

My new 'neighbor' is supposed to close on her house on Wednesday. She said they'd be moving in the same day. I can't wait. I want to start walking all the time. She said she's put on a little weight and wants to walk it off with me. I'm so pumped. It always seems easier to do things when someone is doing them with you. At least for me. I mean, she's only got about 15 pounds to lose, I'd say, but I'll take any company I can get.

Kids are doing as good as can be expected. We had issues with Josephina's teacher last week. I went in on Wednesday to talk to vice principal about it. Teacher came off the handle and yelled at the entire class because they all failed some practice test. Jo came home telling me how stupid she was and that teacher had taken away all privileges like tv, games, sports because the class had done so poorly. Mind you this kid gets straight A's. Nothing lower than a 95 in any of her graded subjects. So, um, excuse me crazy lady, stop calling my kid dumb. I know you're frustrated but BACK OFF. They took the REAL test on Wednesday and MY KID scored 100%.

Little man is struggling a bit academically which is a surprise for us. He's not as strong in Math as he had been. His teacher keeps telling me to relax. He starts his Young Astronaut Club next week when grama and graps are here. He's pretty excited. He's started his own little count-down for that.

Miss Morgana's teacher approached me after school at the beginning of the week last week because of some playground issues. I think the issue is resolved. Miss Morgana needs about 16 hours of sleep a night to be nice. Sorry girls but she takes after her mommy and her gramommy before her.

T has developed a new personality. My girls come over for coffee a few times a week and when they knock on the door she takes off running and screaming for the door. I'm glad she can't open the doors yet cause she would take right off out the door. She loves having new audience members. She must think I get stale! I guess I need to laugh more when she's performing for me! She's been trying to do summersaults and has not quite mastered the whole flipping over thing. She usually ends up just 'standing' on her head with her butt up in the air.

Okay, if I don't end this soon then I won't know which bills to pay and how much $$ we have to spend at wally world.

Is it naptime yet?

I am sooo ready for a nap. I'm going to try and lay on the couch while the kids are doing their homework. I just don't know what my problem is lately. I went to bed around 9:30 last night. Woke up at 1:30 to pee. Got back in bed to a snoring hub and decided to sleep in the uber comfy recliner instead of having him snore in my face :D Alarm goes off at 5:40 daily. So, I get enough sleep.

Who knows? Baby is on her second nap today which makes my life much nicer. Gotta go feed the monsters. They haven't had their after school snack yet...hehe instead of typing snack I typed nap...can you tell what I'm thinking?

HELLO WEEKEND

I love weekends. I love sleeping. I was lucky enough to get to sleep in until 7:45 this am. I LOVE THAT! It is so much better than 5:45. Corey had to work today. So, I'm getting ready to take a shower. I'm switching the girls rooms today...baby is getting her own room and two older girls will become roommates. I'm sorry that they have to share but it seems like the best solution right now. Baby goes to bed at 7:30 nightly. She falls asleep and then wakes up either right before we take sis in to bed or as we're taking her in. Baby has been waking up to play or sing at night. Luckily I don't think she wakes sis up but sis has had an 'attitude' problem lately and this could be a contributing factor. Baby is then woke up between 6:20-6:30 through the week when I get sis up. Sometimes it makes for bad days. Grouchy babies that can't get enough sleep. It always seems that when she's had a rough night/early morning I can only get her to take one nap a day instead of her regular two. So, that doesn't help either.

Of course we'll probably have a rough go tonight since it's going to be something different.

And of course, I'm 'cheating' on my plan tonight because hub and I will share a bottle of wine after the kids go to bed. We got a call on Monday night with a 'lease' proposition on our house in IN. The people are moving in as we speak. They deposited $350 into my IN acct on Tuesday so I know they're serious. We decided, okay, I decided that tonight would be a good night for the wine. I know that it will take me three days to get back into the swing of things but I'm okay with that. Life calls for a little celebration.

We won't be getting our full house payment out of the property but we're only going to be short $150/mo. Better than having to come up with the full $850 each month. I'm going to talk to my dad about refinancing. I have no idea how that works but my realtor told me it might be something to check into. I guess we'll see.

Well, I have to shower while the little one is sleeping. (forgot to mention 220.4 this am. will have to wait and see what it says tomorrow)

I feel like I neglect so many things. This blog, my email buddy, my friends...

I have been caught up in my own head lately. My parents are coming out in 15 days and I'm thinking about that a lot. I've been caught up in my weight issues and the scale not moving as rapidly as it had. My sister is having issues and as terrible as I feel for her I want to tell her to do what needs to be done and move on with it. I can't do anything for her financially so I'm sitting here feeling helpless for her. She is overwhelmed. I would love to talk about it, to my mom or grams. My mom is living it tho and I think sometimes she calls me to be able to 'get away' from the issue and not have to deal with it for awhile.

I weighed in at 222.8 today. I'm constantly trying to be 'good' and stay on plan. I need to get to my emails and mail my friend from the board I'm on.

New day, same weight...227.8. Ugh. Still trucking. Was on plan all day yesterday.

Okay, so scratch that...

I was 227.8 today. I know, I know. My own fault. Alice came over with breakfast yesterday. And I thought, well, it won't hurt too much. I'm going to have to learn how to eat sometime, why not today. Let me just say, I PAID FOR IT. I have chrons disease and my intestines paid me back. I'm going to have to talk to her. I've told her before that I'm on a plan. After school today I'll have a chat and let her know that I can't spend another day in the bathroom ALL DAY.

So I had a great little 'accomplishment' last night. C and I still tuck all the kids into bed at night. I was in Syd's room talking to her and she stood up and hugged me. She looked up at me and said guess what mommy, my arms go all the way around you now. I about cried when I walked out of her room.

Okay, spent too much time in front of the computer today. Gotta get moving.

Happy Dancin...

226.6 today on my scale. I'm happy dancing all the way to the bank with that. Meme is down for a nap so I'm having some uninterrupted computer time. Thinking of all the things I should be doing right now. Like laundry, and vacuuming, and kitchen clean-up. She only 'let's me' vacuum while she's up. If I let her in the laundry room she terrorizes anything that I might have had clean!

Okay, going to move again.

Maybe it is safer here, but...

I still want someone to interact with. My MF board is getting hoakey right now so I've not been doing a lot of posting there. I guess I still feel like an 'outsider'. I love using the journal over there though. At least I get a little input. And I guess that I've always believed that people have to do what works for them as far as weight loss goes. If it's a great plan but you aren't going to stick with it then NO it isn't going to work for you. Period.

Well, weighed in at 227.6 today. I've been getting scale love lately and I'll take it. I've decided that I'm going bottom shopping next Monday when C is off work and can keep the baby home. I'm excited. I also thought that if I wait that long and keep on track I might possibly buy 18's instead of 20's. Even if they are a little snug. At least then I know I can't get lazy. Not comfortable with top shopping yet. Shirts these days are short and I'm still not comfortable with my midsection. So, I'll keep wearing what I have til I'm comfy with the stomach and maybe then I'll get new stuff. Depends on the $$ right now too.

Okay, gotta move, it's girl scout night tonight.

So, it's been awhile

Well, I have decided not to share this blog with my family. I have decided it is going to become MY blog. I will deal with whatever I wish to deal with here. I have been posting on a MF forum. I have a journal there. I keep posting and seeing all of the other people interacting. I feel very stupid saying this but it's one of those things that I feel...it's that 'if we just ignore her maybe she'll go away..." on that forum. I respond to people's posts. I comment on things and like two out of a hundred people have actually talked to me. I wanted to have some support like I did when I was on the 100+ to lose board. I'm dying for someone to connect with to be able to share and support in this journey.

I was stalled at 233 for two full weeks. Still mostly on plan just a few 'off plan' times. Okay, I pretty much cheated all weekend this weekend...On Friday I weighed in at 233.2 Monday I started at 237.6. I weighed in at 231.6 this morning. I'm very excited about that. My parent's are coming out to visit on Nov. 2 and I want to surprise them when they get here.

My mom joined some biggest loser competition at her job. She said she's already lost four pounds this week. Good for her. I hope that one day I can be as small as she is.

She's hoping to lose 20#'s during her competition.

I'm excited to lose weight. I feel better. I told C that if I kept losing I was going to have to go out and buy new pants. I have one pair of capri's that fit right now. The rest stay on but I've taken to rolling the top of them to get them to stay up. How gross is that? And seriously, we just don't have the $$ to spend. Not if I'm going to continue to MF. I will spend apx 200-300/mo on their food. Depends on what I buy. I have enough food in the cupboard to last at least one more month. I guess we can go from there.

Okay, gotta move or something.

Welcome to day FOUR

Here I am again. Day four of medifasting. Okay, officially day four but I had a cheat dinner last night because of Corey's birthday. We ordered Chinese takeout for dinner. I didn't eat the rest of the day so I could 'save up' for it. I weighed myself this morning and I still lost a pound since yesterday. Since Sunday morning I have lost 7.2 pounds. I honestly cannot believe it. I am back on track today. I have had my morning shake. Taken my slew of vitamins. On glass four of water (apx. 17 oz each glass). Not too bad for only being 11:15 am! I have been reading a medifast board and I'm feeling so good about this.

Well, I'm going to go paper journal. There are certain things that I will not post here! (my weight being one of them)

Here we go again, AGAIN

Well, I am starting to Medifast AGAIN. This will be the third or fourth time, not sure exactly. I have decided that I need to get my butt moving again and this will be a nice quick start to it. I know I can't medifast forever so I am going to do this strictly for two weeks and then start to switch over to the Good Mood Diet plan. I am up and ready to start my day. I am going to go find a workout video to do while screaming meme is sleeping. I know I can do this.

again, ugh

Okay, so I had every intention of making this a blog where my family could come and read about my kids. We are living so far away from everyone that I though this would be a nice way to keep them updated. That's great right, except that I can hardly get on here to update. And instead of updating I want to vent. I NEED SOMETHING. I am trying to lose weight. I am a stay at home mom. The kitchen is right over there>>>> And I have FOUR KIDS THAT WANT TO PLAY THE COMPUTER. I spend my days trying to come up with a way for us to make more money. What can I sell? What qualities do I have that someone would pay for? We are at the end of our financial rope. We are paying for an empty house in Indiana while paying outrageous rent on a house down here. I need to make some money $$$

My NEW house

Of course we're renting. Our house in Indiana hasn't sold yet. This is a blueprint of my house. Ours is very similar to this floor plan only backwards. Just flip things from side to side.

www.kbhome.com/Plan~PlanID~00865147-235.2508.aspx

hope that works

copy and paste the http: part

ugh, it's over

Another weekend over. Why is it that the time on weekends seems to pass so quickly? I can honestly say we accomplished next to nothing this weekend. Just a nice quiet weekend sitting inside doing nothing with the kids.

We made it through another day

I totally expected some problems during our 'transitional' period but man these kids are driving me nuts. T was up three times last night and then decided she was up for the day at 6am. I don't think I passed out until about eleven and with three wakie-wakies I was in no shape for a 6am wake up call. I changed her soaked butt (no wonder she was wide awake and screaming instead of playing nicely in her bed so mom can hit the imaginary snooze button like most days) and put her butt in between hub and I with a bottle hoping she'd snooze. HEHE. Did I mention that I am most positive that someone slips my kids crack when I'm not looking. My children don't like sleep. They have never been children to just lay down on the floor and sleep. My son wakes up like clockwork at 6:30 daily. Now, I don't so much mind when it's time for school but guys this is summer and we're supposed to be enjoying it. I have to fight tooth and nail to get Josaphine up and out the door in time for school but summer, seven am wake up. Gotta play those ds's.

Miss Morgana on the other hand was nice enough to sleep in for everyone today and didn't roll her dimpled little butt out of bed until 8:30 this morning. You'd think that should make for a better day right. Nice and rested, no need to be mean just for the sake of being mean? Please, don't be fooled! She was still full of piss and vinegar.

I did manage to unpack two more bathroom boxes and organize a few things today while the queenT took incredibly long naps due to the lack of sleep last night. I tried to sleep when she was down this morning but instead of floating off to la la land I laid in bed thinking about all the stuff I need to accomplish.

Okay, have to put the big kids down (to bed)! Screaming meme is finally sleeping in her crib so we can knock the other ones down now too!

Oh the joy...

So, for any of you that didn't know, we moved. Not just a nice local move from one side of the city to the other...we moved, from Indiana to TEXAS. I was very crazy and decided to travel cross country by myself with all four kids. We started out on Sunday and made it to Indianapolis. I spent the night there with my brother. On Monday we went to the Indy Children's museum. If you ever have the opportunity to visit that museum you really should. It was amazing. My kids loved it and they range from one year to nine. It had something for everyone. Well, after spending the day there we left on our was to St. Louis. We made it to just outside of St. Louis (on the east side).

On Tuesday we were supposed to visit the St. Louis zoo but after missing an exit three times I decided fate was against me and we headed on our way to Orettas in Kansas (or right around there somewhere). I promised the kids that we would make a fun day of traveling by stopping a lot so, of course, we stopped A LOT. We stopped at many, many rest stops to get out and run around. We stopped at a play McD's but only realized once we were inside that the play area was closed for cleaning. So, we ate and waited. Once they were done we went in and played for an hour or so. I talked to Oretta on the phone to let her know where we were and she started flipping out because we were only a few hours away. She was worried that her house wasn't clean enough. Her mom told her 'Oretta she was your roommate she knows how you are." :D

So, we made it to her house around three. I was excited because we would be spending two nights in the same hotel room. It's funny what excites you when you travel. Well, her hubby, Shawn, showed us to our hotel around five. I was nice enough to let the kids get in the pool once we had all the crap out of the van. We went to eat after words and then made it back to the hotel. I was listening to a room full of snoring kids by eight thirty that night.

On Wednesday we got up and had really good breakfast at the hotel. The kids had cinnamon roll french toast. YUMMY. I let the kids swim for a bit before Oretta called to meet up for the day. After we met up we went to this little sub shop to get sandwiches for a picnic. We ended up at this kids farm where we picnic-ed and played on toys before going inside to get sunburned. When we went to this farm it was for the express purpose of Shawn taking my three big kids fishing. YUCK! But they loved it. They used little bamboo cane fishing poles. Shawn baited all the hooks because there was no way I was touching worms. At one point Josaphina had waited to long and asked if she could have a wipe because she was going to bait her own hook! I had to laugh.

I'll post more later. Have to deal with the heathens and get to Walmart.

Everyone made it alive

Well, we made it. Everyone is here in Texas! One long week of traveling and everyone is here no worse for wear. A few of us sunburned and are peeling but other than that no major trama.